The Monster Inside
by ilikecrystals
Summary: Regarding Episode 4.20 When The Levee Breaks. This is my way this scene should have ended. Warning: Schmoop and Wincest. Please point out any errors or crap writing so I can fix. I love constructive criticism and reviews so bring 'em!


Author's note: I found this story pretty much complete on my computer when I was reorganizing my flash drive. It must have been written in one of my drinking phases so I thought I'd post it for your enjoyment. Pretty much just a lot of first time boy smexing so hope you like.

Regarding Episode **4.20 When The Levee Breaks. ** This is the way this scene** should **have ended. Warning: Schmoop, Frottage (Wincest)

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_Dean watches him for a second. "No. You don't know what you're doing, Sam." _

_"Yes I do!" Sam yells. _

_"Then that's worse!" Dean cries. _

_"Why? Look, I'm telling you..." Sam starts. _

_"Because it's not something that you're doing, it's what you are!" Dean yells. "It means..." He stops. _

_"What?" Sam asks. His eyes start to fill up with tears. "No. Say it." _

_"It means you're a monster," Dean says quietly. _

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_Sam snarls down at him, breathing hard "You don't know me. You never did and you never will."_

_Dean gasps out from his wounded throat, on fire from Sam's hands choking the life out of him, "You w__al__k out that door, don't you ever come back!"_

_Sam gives him a wounded look before slowly opening the door and sliding out, shutting it firmly behind him._

_Dean rolls over on his side in defeat._

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He knows he uttered the worst thing he could to Sam, calling him a monster and telling him to never come back. Dean closes his eyes against the memory, remorse and guilt making his skin crawl.

No matter what Sam thought or said, Dean _knows_ his brother, almost as well as he knows himself and Dean knew what would hurt, what would mortally wound Sam worse than anything else and he made sure to say it, all the horrible, stinking, festering things he could, to make Sam bleed and bring him to his knees, raw and aching. He wanted to bring Sam down into despair so that his brother would finally see the terrible things he was doing, to himself and to Dean, and what Sam was turning into.

He'd been hoping it would somehow start to heal them as brothers.

He'd been wrong.

Dean tosses and turns in his bed, his mind full of Sam, full of regret for those awful words that spilled out of him and he wishes desperately for that time back again, so he could change it, fix it, tell Sam just how much he loves-.

_Christ, Sammy, please come back._

He hears a click and looks towards the door, seeing the door knob turn slowly and he sits up in the bed, body alert, sliding a hand under his pillow to curl around his gun, heart pounding out a beat in his chest as he watches the door swing in. He holds his breath, waiting…

Sam stands there, hands hanging limply at his sides, staring at him with eyes so sad, so torn that it rips Dean up inside and he can't speak, his heart breaking with the look he sees on Sam's face, the defeat, the horror, the misery of what happened between them deadening his brother's eyes.

His brother shuts the door behind him and crosses over to the bed, dropping to his knees next to Dean, his face so close, too close, and Dean can feel his hot breath waft over him with that sweet smell that's all Sam, and Sam's grabbing his hands, gripping tight as he struggles to speak, voice clogged with tears, "Dean, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have left like that but I need you to understand…"

Dean's words start to spill over each other "I shouldn't have-shouldn't have called you a…a monster. I didn't mean it, Sammy but you gotta know, I can't just lie down and let you do what you're doing."

"You're not letting me! I'm doing this…I'm making the choice and doing what I have to, to protect _you._ You're the only thing that matters, Dean and if I have to become a…a monster to take care of you, to make sure you're ok, then that's what I'll do."

Dean feels the prick of tears under his eyelids as he grips Sam's hands back fiercely, "No, Sam! You matter more than anything else, don't you get that? If you do this, then I sold my soul for nothing and I went to hell for nothing!"

Sam shakes his head, eyes pleading as he studies Dean's face, "It wasn't for nothing, Dean. It was for this, so I could do _this _for you. Listen, all my life, you took care of me, you gave your life up for me. Now, I'm going to take care of you – whether you want me to or not!"

"Damn it, Sam! No!"

Sam's eyes turn soft with disbelief and he reaches out to cup Dean's face, "You just don't get it, do you?"

Dean starts to jerk back, shying away from Sam's touch but then he stops himself, needing to _feel_ his brother and he lets Sam, stealing himself not to react to Sam's hot palms sliding over his skin, soft fingers tracing the lines in his face.

The flush of heat that sweeps over him from that gentle touch overwhelms him, flickering through his belly and up his spine, making it hard for him to take in a breath and he manages for all of three seconds to stay still under the caress but Sam's too close, too near and Dean has to stop this or Sammy's gonna know, gonna figure out what his touch does to Dean, what his touch has _al__ways _done –

Dean feels the stirring in his pants, the quickening of his heart, the lump in his throat that makes swallowing impossible, all from Sam's frigging _touch_, for Christ's sake. He clears his throat to hide the tension coursing through his body, reaching up to pull Sam's arms down and away from him, to get those hands _off_ him so he can breathe, can think-

Sam's not cooperating, though, and instead he slides his hands around Dean's neck, gripping like iron and he won't let go, yanking Dean forward so their faces are almost touching and Sam leans his forehead in, against Dean's, breathing heavy into the space between them.

"What are you – what are you doing?" Dean gasps out, snapping backwards but Sam only lets him have an inch of space between them, hanging on tight to the back of his neck and when their eyes meet, the look Dean sees there-

Sam's gaze is half-lidded and hungry, so fucking hungry and he's looking at him like Dean's a succulent feast.

Dean's body goes dead still but his heart, his heart is pounding like a freaking freight train in his chest, so loud he's sure Sam can see it thumping under his shirt. All of the nerve endings in Dean's body suddenly come to life, sparking and crackling under his skin, making him intensely aware of every detail…

Sam's hair, mussed up and adorable, rubs softly against his, tickling his brow and Dean tries to shake it off, just like Sam always does but it falls back with a maddening flutter to tickle again. Sam's eyelashes are wet with tears, clumped together and making his huge eyes even more difficult to resist and his lips, _God-_

So close to his own that he can feel the heat coming off them, can almost feel the soft skin pressing against his own and when Sam licks them, the pink tongue sliding out and over, leaving a glistening trail behind, Dean's eyes are glued to the sensuous movement, his mind dancing away from the half-formed thoughts that shoot through his head, through his gut.

_Holy shit…God, I bet he tastes so fucking fine…yeah, this is freaking great, wanting to kiss my own brother…Jesus, would you look at that tongue_…

The smell of Sam's sweat and fear mix together, filling Dean's nose and making him dizzy with desire, wanting to taste that salty mix on his brother's flesh and he inhales deep, catching something else underneath, exotic and alive, pulsing from Sam's skin in waves and it's _that_ smell that curls lust through Dean's belly, snaking down into his loins with a heat that's so swift, so sudden, it leaves Dean gasping for breath.

"Sam-"

"Dean, wait, just…just listen to me, ok? Just, please, ok? I-I love you. I've always loved you."

Dean's brain is shutting down, bobbing and weaving, thoughts jumping fast as he tries to avoid, tries to deny what Sam's really saying because he can't mean what Dean thinks he means, there's no goddamn _way_-

And Dean is nodding fast to cover, "I-yeah, love you, too, dude, you know that... You're my brother."

Temper flares in the soft eyes staring into his, the heat of anger warring with something else, something hard and sharp that glitters with fire, "No! Dean, it's not like that! It's _more,_ more than a brother should love a brother …"

And Sam takes in a cleansing breath, eyes suddenly swimming with unshed tears, admitting and making sure there's no doubt, no question as to what he means, "Dean, I love you like I shouldn't…I _want_ you like I shouldn't. I have for years, ever since I can remember, and I know it's wrong and I know it's twisted and I don't fucking care! It's always with me and I can't get rid of it, no matter how hard I try."

Sam barks out a laugh, "And I've tried to, believe me! I ran away to Stanford to get rid of it but it's still here, always fucking here, a part of me, like breathing. I didn't realize how bad it was until you looked at me like you did…like you couldn't stand the sight of me, like I sickened you…"

At this, the tears spill over and Sam moves in closer, lips touching Dean's cheek, sliding around his skin with gentle presses, laying soft kisses as he whispers, "Christ, Dean, don't ever look at me like that again, ok? 'Cause it ripped me apart inside…I just wanted to die…still do if that's how you really feel about me…"

Dean tries to pull away, hearing the words but unable to comprehend. _Sam wants him, too._

He can't let this happen. Dean needs to be the one to keep it together, stop them from going down this road because there's no going back, no reprieve once they cross that line. He has to keep Sam safe, it's his job, always been his job and that means he has to stop this now, right now, before Sam gets hurt, before they both get hurt. Because this-this is so wrong, on so many levels and in so many ways, it boggles the mind and Dean's pretty freaking sure nothing good can come of it…

_God, he wants, though…wants so much…_

Hungry lips are at Dean's temple now, kissing the pulsing vein there and Dean closes his eyes against the rush of love that swells up inside him for his stupid brother as he makes himself push against Sam's chest, shoving him away to stop this craziness from happening.

Sam rocks backwards with the shove but his hold on Dean's neck doesn't give, doesn't release and Dean hears the pleading words whispered into his skin, "You hate me, don't you? I make you sick…_Jesus, _I knew it."

"Sammy…I don't. Don't hate you but you have to stop, you have to let me go!" Dean's voice is harsh, grunting, and he's pulling on Sam's arms, tugging to get him the hell off- "Please, Sam, I can't."

With a soft moan, Sam's lips are on his, trembling with emotion, and Sam is sobbing, wuffling against his mouth, and Dean feels the wet tongue sliding along his lower lip, pushing against his mouth, asking for entrance. Flicks of fire shoot into Dean's spine, working their way up the nerve endings in his back, desire shooting through, making him shiver with lust that rises up inside him, huge and _wanting_.

Dean twists his head away from that sweet mouth, managing to gasp out a plea on ragged breath, "Sammy, please!"

But Sam's there again, crowding him, not letting him think a fucking coherent thought because he's nuzzling against Dean's mouth now, almost humming, parting Dean's lips with ease and sliding his tongue in like he has a right to. Dean pulls back his own tongue as far as he can but Sam pushes in anyway, shoves his mouth wide open to get in deeper and finds him there, hiding and trembling inside-

It's instant fire, electricity surging through his body, jolting him backwards when Sam's tongue touches his, snakes over and around his quivering own, licking and swirling, drawing Dean out with a desperate need-

Dean moans low in his throat, hanging onto sanity by a thin thread of self-control, his body betraying him, quivering violently with wanton lust, with hungry need and he knows that in another moment, two at the most, he's going lose his grip, gonna let it consume him-

And he's gonna throw Sammy down and take him, take him hard and rough until his little brother is crying and begging for more…more of Dean's tongue, his teeth, his cock inside him-

Somehow, he finds the strength to get his hands between them, pushes against Sam's firm chest with both palms and tries to twist his mouth away, to get Sam's tongue out of him, get Sam's mouth _off _and he manages to break away for a second, pulling in a deep huff of much needed air and gasps out, voice harsh and frantic, "Sam, you gotta stop now!"

But Sam is clinging, grasping, swooping back in and sliding his mouth sensuously over Dean's tingling lips, stirring something deep inside, awakening and arousing and he's making Dean dizzy with desire, pulling him back into the dark pool of feral lust, repeating the words over and over between each breathless kiss-

"Need you, Dean, need you so fucking _bad_-"

"Sam, please!" Dean gives one last try, pushing weakly against the hard chest he's pressed up against but it's so freaking futile because the next erotic pass of Sam's lips across his gives another bolt of lightening through his legs, through his balls and suddenly, it's too much for him, the need for Sam eats him alive, takes him over and washes a flood of desire over him that's all-consuming, never-ending and it's warm and red, rolling around the edges of his mind and turning his blood to hot brandy, making him drunk with a passion he's never felt before.

And his hands land on those strong shoulders, gripping tight, yanking Sam into him, crushing his mouth onto his brother's, distantly hearing Sam gives a gasp of pain but he doesn't stop, he's devouring that fucking mouth, pushing in, sucking at the sweet taste he finds there and staying, drowning in the essence, the savory tang of his brother lips.

_Oh, sweet Jesus_, he tastes just like Dean knew he would, goodness and light and sweet and delicious, and whatever self-control Dean was still struggling to hang on to flies right out the window and he's up and off the bed without thought, landing on his knees on the floor in front of Sam, landing on one of Sam's thighs, spreading his legs around that wonderful hardness and rubbing, rubbing so fucking hard, with wild abandon, sucking Sam's tongue down as his hips work and buck-

Moaning fills his ears and he belatedly wonders if it's him or Sam but it doesn't matter, nothing matters because he's gone to the edge and over the edge and he's damned, he knows he is, damned for wanting and lusting after his brother, for God's sake but he can't help it, can't stop it, needs it so _bad_…

In the back of his mind, he realizes that Sam's right there with him, meeting him tongue for tongue, firm muscle thrusting up into him, between his legs, running his huge paws over Dean's ass, squeezing and pulling him closer, closer to Sam's body, so close now they're rubbing against each other, chest to chest, panting into each other's mouths.

They break apart, needing air and Dean stares into Sam's eyes, almost black now, pupils huge with lust and Dean knows he probably looks the same, flushed and wanton, lips hot and bruised where they've smashed against Sam's teeth and they breath into the air between them, chests heaving into each other and-

As one they move, ripping at clothes, tearing and pulling, growling against each other until finally they're flesh on flesh, hearts pounding together and hands are roaming on hot skin, touching softly, exploring, tentative at first and then more confident, guiding each other with grunts and moans.

Sam's mouth hums down his throat, raising goose bumps all over Dean's skin, working down to the vein that pulses at the base and resting there, and Dean feels his life beating against the hungry lips and he tilts back his head, letting his brother's mouth bring him rushes of pleasure as Sam licks down his chest, teeth scraping over a nipple and making Dean jump nearly out of his skin.

Sam pushes him backwards, urging him down and Dean stretches out on the floor, naked and exposed and so freaking needy, he's blushing like a shy teenager getting his first kiss. This is it and he's wanted it for so fucking long that he's finally gonna let himself have it, goddamn it, he's waited long enough and so has Sam.

They need this, need to be this to each other so they become stronger, united...invincible.

Sam's tongue slides lazily down over his belly and below, and he reaches down to thread trembling fingers in Sam's long hair, to guide his head where he wants it, urging him lower. Sam stops him, twining his own fingers into Dean's and holding his hands near his hips, gripping tightly.

Dean feels a gentle movement of air over his dick and it throbs upward, standing at attention, proud and hard and suddenly, Sam's mouth is on him, hot, wet and so soft, so fucking _soft_-

Velvet tongue moves up and down, making Dean's breath catch in his chest and Sam's fingers are twisting in his, hanging on tight, as he licks and sucks Dean down into his throat. Dean's hips are thrusting up into Sam's sweet mouth, groaning out Sam's name as he feels the swirl and pull into ecstasy, the rushes trembling through him, shaking him to the core and he can't stop himself, can't stop the rucking up of his dick into his brother's wet mouth.

"Sam…_fuck_, you gotta slow down…I'm gonna…God, Sam, feels so good…" Dean hears himself gasping out words, his voice sounding husky and raw to his own ears and suddenly, Sam's mouth is gone and his hand is there, pulling and jerking, and Sam's mouth is back on his and Dean can taste himself on Sam's tongue-

And that's just wrong and dirty but oh, _shit_, it's good, so good…

He feels the flesh against him, the silk hot of Sam's dick sliding against his own and Sam's hand cups them both, holding their shafts tight together, dragging up and down with a flick of wrist and holy fuck-

His hands slip over Sam's back, caressing the firm back muscles lovingly, enjoying the feel of Sam's soft skin under his fingers before he works his way lower, needing to touch Sam everywhere-

His palms slide over Sam's firm ass cheeks, cupping and squeezing each in turn and pulling him in close, nice and tight, grinding their bodies together and Sam gives a hot moan, his legs falling on either side of Dean's hips as he pushes in-

Sam's hand moves faster now, gripping tight, dragging up and down, flicking his thumb over the tops of both of them and making Dean see stars, his hips rolling and bucking with a mind of their own and Sam pulls out his hand, starts rubbing, riding Dean hard as his mouth finds Dean's ear, moist breath huffing on him and then Sam's teeth are biting down on him, sending Dean up higher and higher until he's quivering with tension, waves of passion rocking over him, muscles twitching and trembling and he's getting there, getting right there, just a little higher-

And Christ, so good, so fucking good-

Sam's dick is hard and hot against his, humping against him, sweat and fire and Dean's almost there, climbing fast now and the crash of it takes him over and he's shuddering, coming with blazing intensity, erupting, shooting out his seed between them, whimpering against his brother's neck as his hips work helplessly, giving half-hearted bucks with each aftershock and he falls back, eyes locked on Sam's face as he struggles to catch his breath-

And Sam's still shoving, still bucking against him, eyes closed tight, lower lip caught between white teeth as he works himself towards orgasm-

Dean sees it happen, watches it slide over Sam's face, the sweet pain of it and Sam stiffens above him, spasms racking through and he feels the wet spurts, the twitching of Sam's hot length between them and fuck, that's hot-

He holds on tight as Sam trembles and gasps, shooting out the rest of his load all over Dean and sags into him, breathing harshly-

Sam recovers slow, breath finally easing in his chest and he picks up his head from Dean's shoulder, opens his eyes and stares down into his brother's, his gaze hopeful and fearful all at once.

"Dean-" he mutters and Dean doesn't let him get much farther, slapping a hand to the back of his head and pulling him down fast, covering his mouth with hot lips and diving in with his tongue, swallowing Sam's words with a sizzling kiss-

When he breaks the kiss, pulls away, Sam's got a faint blush on his cheeks and he's smiling down at him, one of his big dimply grins and Dean smiles back, reaching up to smooth away Sam's hair from his eyes-

"Jesus Christ, Sammy, love you too, man...fucking love you, too."

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